Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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