I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
