There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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