My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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