apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
