My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
