Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
