fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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