so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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