we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
