Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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