her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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