Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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