My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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