The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sarcasm needs its own font
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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