dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is an emotional support booty call
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
