nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
stop calling my apartment porn island.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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