Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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