A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
