Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
