i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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