I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
