When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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