who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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