i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
