Nicole vs. Life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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