Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
