i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
