Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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