How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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