If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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