my mouth tastes like poor choices
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
