Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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