i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize