I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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