Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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