He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
