ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
