I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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