TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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