I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
