Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
