Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
