He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
