My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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