how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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