Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
