First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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