Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
