The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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