I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
