dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
