do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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