I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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