This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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