I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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