I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
