i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
