Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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