After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
