thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
