Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
