I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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