every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
