There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
