I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
