before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
