Don't you send me to vm
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
