idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
