Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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