i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
