I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
