ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
