you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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