Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
