Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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