Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
