Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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