it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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