so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
