Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
