Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
