a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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