She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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