The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize